if i stay....

i know i haven't written much here lately.  ok, like all of 2014, truly. listen, life is busy. & full of joys & challenges & loveliness & chaos. as i navigate, i will keep this current & will start posting again as i have time.  love, love & love.

new news

and suddenly june is upon us.  and here we are, the year half-before us, half-behind us.  the exciting part:  i am now part of the board for the hawkeye campership fund, the nonprofit organization dedicated to providing financial assistance for campers attending camp hawkeye whose families would otherwise not be able to afford residential summer camp.  

words to describe the camp:  oh my holy i think the moonshine on the lake just stole the breath from my very chest.  what's that, new hampshire is always this awe-inspiring?  excuse me, but the grass is always greener here.  beautiful, diverse, extraordinary, balanced, fabulous: camp hawkeye. boom.  

consider sending a deserving youngster to camp for some nature cuddles.  or send your own baby beans (8-16).  with any luck i will be teaching them poetry and the art of the handwritten letter, this summer or in the years to come.

look for camp updates throughout the year, writing relevant or otherwise. and ways that you can help build foundations for bright young ones (who could also be young fitzgerald's).

Day 28: So it Ends, With a Renga

what can i say? except, well, maybe, this was an absolutely extraordinary & exhausting experience.  but, it was exactly what i needed.  to kickstart my writing goals for 2013, to capitalize on the idea that we must make time in our lives for our goals & big picture dreams as much as possible.  & i was able to raise funds for a cause i believe in, while doing something i love.  i am so thankful.  for this space/time to write.  for my loved ones who supported me through the month.  and thankful my dear brain did not just fade away, but kept churning out ideas & pieces, the beginning of which are starting to form into something, bigger.  bottom line is this:  so glad to have done this, but so glad i have a few days to just watch re-runs of big bang theory & spend time with my family.  but poetry, i do love you.

read our final collaborative piece, a renga to finish with a collective sigh, here.

& while my poeming for tupelo is at an end, my dear friend & fellow lesley poet, kali lamparelli is writing during the month of march.  check out her way with words.

14 for 30: to thine self be blue

heart day brings us to the midway point of the 30/30 project.  & what better way to raise a glass to this lovefest, then through poetry.  ok, admittedly today's poem doesn't necessarily shout joyful, but it does come from a very important place.  read, my day 14 poem, on the hook, here.

in other news:  my brain is weary.  my words are getting heavier to process.  but on this day of affection i ask, what could be better than working toward something you believe in.

go hug someone.  go make a mix tape that you love (include the macabees!). be kind to each other.  

xoxo

the 11th day of poetmas

here we are. day 11 of 28.  i'm listening to some new fall out boy.  trying to maintain. trying to recharge my waning synapses via some sweet (highly anticipated!) tunes & soon i will be reading something, well, just for fun.  here's the thing:  this project is becoming a fantastic challenge.  it is both incredibly hard & incredibly fulfilling.  & my god, the poets that i happen to be sharing this forum with are incredible.  so, to summarize:  incredible project + incredible poets = thankful for my inclusion.  

today i wrote about handling sorrow.  read my poem, sorrow leaves the body by ox cart, along with my glorious compatriot's day 11 poems, here.

& now onto the next one.  xo

7 for 30: Cures for Poem Dehydration?

now normally, in a situation like this, i would stretch.  or rub ice on my shins.  maybe go get a pedicure while i drink approximately 3.7 gallons of water.  but here.  but this.  is a whole new animal:  brain conditioning by poem.  yep.  & to be frank, my brain is feeling a little like it just ate a family size bag of sea salt & vinegar chips.

all that to say though:  this is a phenomenal project.  it is getting my brain off the couch & into creative 5k mode.  & perfect.  i want to write & pull more & more pieces together for my manuscript.  for a bigger project.  for myself.  for all kinds of good reasons.

so what next?  hydrate or perish.  hyrdate & polish. & more of the write, write, lyric, write, write.

to read my poems for the first 6 days, peek them here.

Going 30 for 30: The Tupelo Press Project

oh my.  oh my goodness.  for the month of february i am taking part in the Tupelo Press 30/30 Project.  basically: i will use my running skills, (which lord knows i am always working on), & writing chops, (come on mfa, get it girl!) to produce a new poem every day for, in this case 28 days (as february is shorty mcshorterson).  the goal:  raise funds for the outstanding Massachusetts publishing house, Tupelo Press.  through sponsorship of my words, you are helping to sustain a non-profit literary press, that in turn, is able to sustain the poet & the art of poetry.

i am excited by this challenge.  as in running, i tend to rise to greater heights with the pressure of small benchmarks in my path.  this definitely gives glorious pressure & i look forward to what it brings.  i am surrounded by amazing poets & writing for a remarkable cause.  i am so hopeful.

my 30/30 compatriot lené gary, had the fabulous idea(!) that we each write a manifesto on why were writing this month, or at all.  my february manifesto can be found on lené's smart, smart blog, bite my manifesto.

to follow my word-race poem extravaganza, please visit the Tupelo 30/30 page.  i may post the poems here also as we go along.  if you would like to sponsor me (perhaps? please? you love books don't you?) please be in touch.

my words heart your words. & support.

run like Pre, write like, well Tolstoy?

“Some people create with words or with music or with a brush and paints. I like to make something beautiful when I run. I like to make people stop and say, ‘I’ve never seen anyone run like that before.’ It’s more than just a race, it’s a style. It’s doing something better than anyone else. It’s being creative.”--Steve Prefontaine

ok, so, perhaps running isn't going to turn you into the world's greatest Russian novelist.  wait, scratch that, arguably one of the world's greatest writers, ever, not just by Russian standards.  BUT wait. there has to be something to this. it definitely helps me write more, & like more of what I write.  for me, cadence in running, leads to cadence in writing.  in training to run longer races, i'm noticing more desire to write.  more focus.  more energy. & i have to say: thank goodness.  jeez.  

& really aren't the strengths from long-distance running coming from the same place:  your sweet little cupcake of a brain?  conquering miles for me, is much more mental, than anything else.  so why not kill two birds with one stone: svelte calves & the next (please, please, please) worthy piece of lit.  

poets to put in your stocking

put down that weird christmas sweater.  don't buy that crock pot for mom.  infuse a little literary goodness into the season.  words last forever, after all.  & don't require an AC adapter.

if you want a little poetry in your life this season, check out these books:

Collected Poems by Jack Gilbert.
Beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful.  Celebrate the poet lost too soon.

Red Army Red: Poems  by Jehanne Dubrow.
If you haven't read any of Jehanne's other collections, run, hurry!  Pick all of them up.  She is amazing.

ELEGIES for New York Avenue by Melanie Henderson.
Winner of the 2011 Main Street Rag Poetry Book Award.  Gorgeous & rich writing by my friend & editor of Tidal Basin Review.

Best New Poets 2012: 50 Poems from Emerging Writers.

& yes, they used to come on stationary: more hand-written letters

holy wow, it has been awhile.  i haven't been using my time to carve cougars out of wood.  or get my tan on. i did watch a LOT of Downton Abbey.  and while i was away, & listening to some bruce springsteen (thanks jimmy fallon for showcasing his cool!), a neat thing happened:

always a proponent of the hand-written letter (especially the love letter) i was interviewed a few months ago for an article on their importance & evolution for Military Spouse magazine.  for me, the most inspiring thing about the letter, in addition to the emotions & day to day narratives that they evoke, is the individual narrative they provide.  & the historical ones.  & the personal effect of the hand writing itself on family members, who, years from now will discover that letter.  & be able to imagine their loved ones seated & scribbling adoration or news to their wives or husbands or friends back home.  especially, as in the case of my grand parents, during war times.  while i am so thankful for the modern day immediacy of email & skype that tethers us quickly to our loved ones now, despite any distance, i absolutely covet the letter.  the paper, held by the writer, the ink from their pen, the excitement at the mailbox.  for me, it is priceless.  & i am sad to see that its form is quickly vanishing.

i was so thankful to be included.  find the full article, if you can get your hands on it, in the may issue.

inspired to write your own love letter?  on actual paper (what is that you say?  is that an app?)?  check out the gorgeous letterpress stationary at Smudge Ink or take a little browse on etsy, where i have found some amazing letterpress vendors.  come on, set down that hand held device & pick up the original: a pen.  & get your hand-written adorations on.

how she does it: jacquelynn buck

excited to be able to write about a photographer, who is not only brilliant in her art form (it is undeniably inspiring & captivating).  check out my new piece about jacquelynn buck on the she's self-employed site.  & consider her the next time you need to capture an irreplaceable moment.  she travels.  all over.  (so you don't have an excuse not to at least look at her list of cities...).

where writers (me!) write

yesterday i had the privilege of being featured on fiction writer (& dear friend!) kristin offiler's blog, white space, to discuss the importance of where we write.  check it out, here!  & more importantly, browse & follow her blog.

next week kristin will guest post here, so stay tuned!

the cowboy that kept me writing

its friday, and you know what that means:  the end of the week, the beginning of something new & hopefully brilliant.   what better day to celebrate inspiration, in all forms?  today, i celebrate my father.

if you keep reaching, eventually you will have the strength, courage, & flexibility to get to the place you have wanted all along.  something my dad has taught me, in all things.  so proud to know someone who does what he loves, day after day.  so proud to know a man who, during one of the most challenging times in our lives, was able to finish his first novel (Treasure of the Soul).  

read the latest piece about him in this december article from Indian Country Today.   

who or what is an inspiration to you today?

the darren criss urban vintage hangover

if you are like me you just might have that go-to city-love, that takes up a place in your heart + mind, that no other place will ever possibly compare.  if you know me (hi, how are you?) then you know that for me, that place is new york (i <3 bk).  having just returned from what is certain to be my last trip for a few months (my biggest + most important "creative project collaboration" will keep us occupied for much of this year), i can't help but feel like every morning i wake up with the sounds and sights of the city lingering on my tongue.  it is kind of a perfect marriage between hungover + heart-miss, for this place, this affecting, amazing city.

Williamsburg, BK, Photo by Jacey Blue Renner

so what to do?  well, i am not really a weeper, so that's out.  and i am not (yet) a well-enough paid writer that i can fly back & buy my first apartment there.  having friends skype their walks + adventures around the city has crossed my mind, but i worry their arms may go slack/numb/into paralysis due to high demand.  so.  that leaves me, with writing + reading about it.  which essentially is probably most to my advantage.  if i want to become that well-enough paid writer who can eventually buy a teeny apartment to call her own.

and how do darren criss + the urban vintage come into the equation?  three words: broadway and brunch.  who knew such three words could bring such inspiration.  well, actually i did.  brunch is always inspiring with its eclectic (enter, DELISH) fare.  and mr. criss, if you have heard him sing (and on broadway, my lord!) you know exactly what i am talking about.

point being:  what & where has you beyond words affected today?  mull it over. write about it on a postcard.  send it to someone you love.  & affect & affect & affect.

why tina fey is the answer

....because after a couple months of what i will fondly deem "sloth brain", her humor, intellect and lack of literary pretension has me feeling like i am a new little lamb who just discovered some very vintage louboutin heels left on my stoop.  the best part:  she doesn't take herself too seriously.  and truly, i think that is the key to everything.  in life. in writing. in all.  well done ms. fey.  you, i would like to note, are glorious.

make it better without you

the trouble with late nights, is that it really gives way to over-thought.  thinking of all the things i should be doing, or should have had the time to do during the day, but didn't.  late nights give you the space to plan all the things for tomorrow.  add a little andrew belle or boxcar rebellion and it truly makes one think: what can i do tomorrow?  what will affect change in both my writing and personal life?

i have only made a few submissions to literary journals this year.  life has happened.  time for those has gotten pushed off time and again.  doubt has crept up.  apathy waxes and wanes.  so, what is it that makes "hitting the send button" so hard?  i read for two literary journals. i recently read for a poetry contest.  i am always thrilled to see the submissions rolling in.  they inspire me.  to read more. to learn.  to be a better writer myself.  to be proactive.  but somehow, i am still staring at the growing stack of my work that needs a home (or at least an attempt at adoption) and the growing list of places i would love to submit.

what moves us to continually put ourselves out there?  what moves us, at all?  here is to tomorrow:  and the hope and motivation it may bring.  where do you find your push?

To praise the sun is to praise your own eyes.
Praise, the ocean. What we say, a little ship.
So the sea-journey goes on, and who know where!
Just to be held by the ocean is the best luck
we could have.
                          ---Rumi, from Buoyancy

erica reed: designer to watch

beyond thrilled i got to write a piece this month for moxy about two things i love: fashion and inspiring creatives.  erica reed, is a perfect combination.  check out my interview with her here.

colrain makes the poet grow stronger

this last weekend was remarkable. and by remarkable i mean, i had the outstanding good fortune to attend the colrain poetry manuscript conference when it traveled west (because everyone needs a respite from new england now and then).

and by outstanding good fortune i mean, whoa: to workshop in a locale that i had forgotten i loved so very much (move away from the place you have always known, and when you return, wait for it to take your breath away in a completely unexpected way).  and to actually remember why it is that i write poetry: to harness my imagination, to have the space to tell my story.

truth be told, it has been months since i have had to space to write a poem.  life happens. trying to freelance happens (the blessing and curse of having liberal arts degrees: paying for them).  what was missing, that euphoria after finishing a piece that you didn't know was there, behind all the worries, and feeding of dogs, and blah blah (or joys!) of the day-to-day.

but this weekend, i remembered.  what i want, and why, to really write.

the faculty, poets and editors jeffrey levine, ellen dore watson, and joan houlihan, carmen giménez smith, and richard greenfield, were brilliant, receptive, and basically well, just so integral in reminding all of us what we have the tools to do.  why we want to carry on.  how to write and write and write well (whether we believe in ourselves or not).

here is what i think recent mfa graduates:  if you are in a slump, or feel like you are just slothing about without a way to recall the words you loved so much, treat yourself.  go to a day class, a local workshop, an area retreat or conference.  even a reading.  find a way back to the fire.

when was the last time you wrote something you loved, in a space that you loved?

always two hours ahead: the imprint of place

i don't know about how most people transition during moves, but when i left the east coast mid-summer, i decided i wasn't going to change the clock on my mac to match my new time zone.  why?  not forgetful, but indeed, still creatively and heart-linked to that coast i thought this was one way to keep myself metaphorically tethered to the part of the country i have found most affecting in both my writing and personal life.  and you know what:  it really works.  this little digital glory gives me an instant connection, (and a little pick me up on days when i feel particularly disconnected from that part of the world).

this all begs to question:  how much does place play a role in our writing?  for me, an immense amount.  so much so that when i was applying to graduate schools, chatham university's travel writing program won my attentions, simply because i know how moved i am (always) by place.  and while i inevitably didn't elect to attend that program, i couldn't have asked for a better city to begin to fuel my writing then of course first, nyc, and second boston.

when i was living in the east, i found myself romanticizing and ruminating over the climate and landscape of the west.  i daydreamed about my mountains back home, the way the dry heat felt on summer mornings, and the smell of chile and incense during the fall.  and while i grew up among this landscape, it was another climate that brought all that inspiration into focus.  does long-worn place have to steep before it finds us?  i guess so.  now that i am back, i see much with fresh eyes, but am not driven to write and think about it the way i was when removed.  meanwhile i find the east in all i write.

what places inspire you?  what place has the biggest imprint in your writing (or regular) life?

big booty bread company

how can you not love a city with bakeries like this: big booty bread company.

for those of you who know me well, you will understand when i tell you: ny is always with me.  here now, pretty much my favorite thing to do is walk and walk (and walk some more).  because you never know what kind of poems are going to be formed through the streets.  oh, and the bakeries! nothing to do with words, except maybe:  unexplainably delicious, heavenly, earth-shattering.  you know, words that tingle in your mouth.

bottom line: every time i visit i am moved to write in a way that cannot be explained.  every moment feels the need to be captured, and truth be told, my favorite poems were written here.  the ones i kind of want to carry, so they are always close.  the ones that i want to farm out to the avett brothers so they will mold them into song.

brooklyn just, feels like home.

and, check out this: 826 NYC.

their writing space for young people fronts as a the brooklyn superhero supply company.  if you are in the area, and love writing and teaching, stop by.  or better yet, volunteer.